Hello and welcome to the penultimate edition of Offside. After seeing 48 teams do battle for 38 days, Spain are the last team standing as they saw off Argentina in an ill-tempered World Cup final that will not go down in history for its footballing brilliance.American sports by design are rather odd for foreigners and the hilarity was captured in an SNL cold open titled Washington’s Dream in which George Washington lays down his vision of freedom where America can choose its “own laws, own leaders, and its systems of weights and measurements”. Roundly ignoring the plea of the Black man who keeps asking about the fate of coloured people, Washington speaks of a dream for America that will play football, a sport that is played with hands and “involves a little kicking”. And in that grand old tradition of American freedom, there was a little kicking in the final, though for the Argentina team, that was reserved for people wreathed in red.The showdown at the MetLife Stadium, rechristened New York New Jersey Stadium to ensure FIFA’s exclusivity with Mammon, a sign of capitalism cancelling out capitalism, was billed as the “La Masia Final”. For those who don’t read Offside closely, La Masia is Barcelona’s famed youth academy that produced football’s most gifted players, including Lionel Messi and Lamine Yamal. Except that this final appeared to be the love child of Barcelona’s fallen angel Jose Mourinho and Atletico Madrid coach Diego Simeone. It was the sort of final that got so dirty by the end that even spectators would feel like they would need a bath – the kind Messi gave Yamal 19 years ago – to wash off the stench.English is the lingua franca of the footballing world – which is ironic given that the phrase lingua franca is French and English is just guttural sounds without French influence – and football pundits in England have long been allowed to choose the grammar and vocabulary that define football.Among those was a saying questioning whether Lionel Messi could survive the physicality of the Premier League when football pundit Andy Gray asked: but can he do it on a cold, rainy night in Stoke? The reference was to a Stoke City team managed by Tony Pulis who liked leaving their foot on the opponent more than the ball.In the 2026 World Cup final, perhaps to blunt Spain’s incisive passing, Argentina decided to put that maxim to test by playing like Stoke City at the Britannia Stadium on a cold night even as a beleaguered Messi watched his last dance turn into a pub fight.Match RecapThe 2018 and 2022 finals have spoiled younger football fans by becoming goalfests, but football fans of a certain vintage know that finals are usually cagey affairs, matches no one wants to lose before anyone dares to win. And yet, it wasn’t for want of trying. Spain could have had the lead in the fourth minute when Lamine Yamal, bizarrely called Lamal throughout the match by football’s Shakespeare Peter Drury, got free on the left and saw his shot stopped by the collective effort of two Martinezes: Lisandro and Emiliano.
Spain’s Rodri celebrates with the trophy after the World Cup final soccer match between Spain and Argentina in East Rutherford, N.J., near New York, Sunday, July 19, 2026. (AP Photo/Adam Hunger)
The early moments made two things clear. Spain were here to play, Argentina were going to survive and answer ontological questions about footballing propriety later. For all the mythology surrounding Lionel Messi’s last dance, the defending champions spent most of the match acting like ladies – rather effective with their elbows – trying to get into a fast Mumbai local to Virar.Spain, on the other hand, had complete control, with the Golden Ball winner Rodri moving the ball with the serenity of a panda that has discovered inner peace. Dani Olmo kept appearing between Argentina’s lines, Nico Williams stretched the pitch, while Yamal sparked the kind of behaviour from the Argentine squad that is only acceptable on Epstein Island. Some went for his shirt and others for his ankle.In fact, it’s a minor miracle that Argentina only ended up with one red card. Alexis Mac Allister – paying tribute to his Scottish and Argentine heritage – clattered Olmo in the 14th minute. Lisandro Martinez was the first man in the book when he dragged and chopped down Mikel Oyarzabal in the 41st minute.The second half saw Leandro Paredes enter the fray, which was like Hardcore Holly entering the Royal Rumble, and within minutes he barged into Rodri and earned a yellow. Somehow he avoided further yellows for catching Pedro Porro and fouling Ferran Torres near the box.The only reason it wasn’t a cricket score was Emiliano Martinez’s remarkable shot-saving, which is even more remarkable when you consider that he was playing with a broken finger, and is the only Argentine whose shithousery can match his skill.Not that the Spanish armada stopped, coming again and again, passing, probing and recycling the ball so that Argentine legs turned into jelly as their willpower slowly ebbed away.
And then came the breakthrough with Nico Williams heading it down for Ferran Torres – he of the gorgeous hair – who smashed it into the goal. Now throughout the tournament, this was the moment when Argentina got a second wind like they did against Egypt, Switzerland and England, but instead they surrendered to their own irritation with Enzo Fernandez getting sent off for clipping Pau Cubarsi. In keeping with the Argentine football heritage that caused red and yellow cards to be added in the first place, he refused to leave the field without a brief fracas.Messi’s last dance turned out to be more pubside hack than tango, and Argentina continued to fume long after the final whistle, with a full fracas between Spanish and Argentine players that couldn’t hold a candle to the Battle of Baghpat 2021.It was a sad ending for a glittering international career because Lionel Messi – the greatest player to ever touch a ball – deserved a better send-off than this. But as the French say: C’est la vie. Such is life.Stat AttackStats can be tortured to say anything you want but this time the torture was visible to all. Spain had 20 shots to Argentina’s two, 12 shots on target to Argentina’s zero and an xG of 2.52 to Argentina’s 0.07. Argentina failed to attempt a single shot in normal time, becoming the first team on record since 1966 to do so. Spain had 60.2% of the possession and completed 646 passes to Argentina’s 353. The only stat that sounds bizarre is that Argentina committed 24 fouls to Spain’s 18 and only picked up one red during the match.The only reason the scoreline was respectable was that Emiliano Martinez played out of his skin, making 11 saves, a record for a men’s World Cup final.No Last DanceTwo things in particular lifted moods during the dark days of Covid quarantine in 2020. The first was the Apple football comedy Ted Lasso – whose Panglossian eponymous protagonist finally made America fall in love with soccer – and the Netflix documentary The Last Dance that revolves around Michael Jordan’s career and in particular his final season with the Chicago Bulls. The final was billed as Messi’s Last Dance, and the Pangloss in most sports romantics would have hoped that there would be one last rage against the dying of the light as Argentina have done in every match in which they have gone behind.
Except the only last dance, if it can be called that, was Mikel Merino breaking into YMCA as Trump refused to leave the stage after handing out the trophy before being ushered away by a harangued Gianni Infantino – or as Trump calls him Johnny – who also angered sartorial purists in his white shoes with a black suit.No matter what happened in this final, Messi has already written his name into greatness after the 2022 triumph but this delicious postscript wanted one final hurrah, the Jordan ending. Instead, the country where he played most of his football handed out one harsh footballing lesson, as they did to his great rival Cristiano Ronaldo. But after Ferran Torres scored in the 106th minute, Argentina’s response let their GOAT down.Messi’s legacy is untouchable. Nothing in New Jersey can erase Barcelona, Qatar, the Copa America, or the sheer wonder one felt whenever his left foot caressed a ball, the way his body swivelled to make defenders go the wrong way, but Messi’s final act will be him trapped in a team that could no longer give him the stage and the farewell one of his stature deserved.Worst Final Ever?As a footballing spectacle, was it the “worst final ever”? The 1990 final between West Germany and Argentina remains the gold standard for footballing misery: a 1-0 win settled by a penalty with Argentina receiving two reds. The 1994 final was goalless after 120 minutes and Brazil won thanks to a Roberto Baggio penalty miss. Spain’s 2010 triumph produced 14 yellow cards where the Netherlands used mortal combat to tackle tiki-taka.
Referee Slavko Vincic, of Slovenia, shows a red card to Argentina’s Enzo Fernandez (24) during the World Cup final soccer match between Spain and Argentina in East Rutherford, N.J., near New York, Sunday, July 19, 2026. (AP Photo/Frank Franklin II)
And yet the 2026 final had elements of all three: the attacking poverty of 1990, the goalless wait of 1994 and the disciplinary record of 2010. The only difference was that Spain were so superior that Argentina’s lack of ambition made the contest feel uglier than the scoreline and the late goal saved it from being remembered as a sour spectacle.Off the FieldBefore the World Cup started, the biggest question was not who would win it, but how Donald Trump would find a way to make the final about himself. He duly obliged. During the trophy presentation, Trump hovered on stage as Spain tried to celebrate, offering the world the rare sight of a man trying to photobomb a World Cup, with Mikel Merino breaking into YMCA while Trump lingered near the trophy like a drunk uncle gatecrashing the stage during a desi wedding before the World Cup’s father-in-law, Gianni Infantino, dragged him away. But then again, we would probably prefer Trump photobombing someone than actual bombing. Just ask Iran.
President Donald J. Trump, left, and FIFA President Gianni Infantino walk off the podium after the World Cup final soccer match between Spain and Argentina in East Rutherford, N.J., near New York, Sunday, July 19, 2026. (AP Photo/Matt Rourke)
Equally embarrassing was the half-time show, FIFA’s attempt at Super Bowl-style entertainment featuring Madonna, BTS, Justin Bieber, Shakira and Burna Boy, which had every football fan asking: can we just get the game back, because even watching Paredes kick someone is more entertaining than whatever was served?
Spain’s Lamine Yamal’s brother, Keyne, plays with the ball after the World Cup final soccer match against Argentina in East Rutherford, N.J., near New York, Sunday, July 19, 2026. (AP Photo/Seth Wenig)
And finally, the best, most wholesome off-the-field moment belonged to Lamine Yamal’s little brother Keyne, who ran onto the pitch after Spain’s win and celebrated with the gusto of a toddler who has just won his team the World Cup. Just to be clear, that sort of behaviour is cute when one is three, not when one is 80.And so ends Offside’s 2026 World Cup watch, 38 days, 104 matches, one Spanish coronation, one Argentine meltdown and enough football-adjacent American spectacle to make even FIFA look subtle. Spain leave with the trophy, Messi leaves with history, Argentina leave with the charge sheet, and the rest of us leave with the faint suspicion that the next World Cup will somehow be even bigger, louder and more ridiculous. See you in four years, when football again pretends to be simple and the world once again proves otherwise. And thank you for reading.